If this kind of media was, at least until social media took the mantle, the arbiter of female beauty, Sports Illustrated Swimwear Issue was its supreme court, creating the structures of Fordist perfectionism: any shape as long as it’s thin, with a biologically impossible rack.

Partly by dint of its only annual appearance, the swimsuit issue became a bellwether for the next big thing in modelling, and has made or cemented countless reputations, from Elle Macpherson to Tyra Banks. Different times, and all that: let’s not waste indignation on the fact that men were lauded by Sports Illustrated for what they could do, while women were prized for what they looked like.

Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue was conceived in the mid-1960s by the then editor André Laguerre, who wanted to find a way to fill a slow winter month, February, when there was not much sport.

The next-oldest cover star of the magazine was Maye Musk, the insanely good-looking mother of Elon, who appeared in 2022 at the age of 74 and told Hollywood Insider at the time: “Women of all ages, we should walk on the beach and be happy with our bodies.” And all this is great: diversity, inclusion, representation, role modelling, how do we (older women) feel we belong in the world if we don’t see ourselves in the world?, etc.īut ladies (and gentlemen, you’re allowed a view, too), do you ever feel as though you’re being played? The very people who invented the unattainable standards of beauty and perpetual youth that have tyrannised women since the advent of magazine cover stars parade their inclusivity and anti-ageism, ventriloquising attitudes of can-do and self-love through the models, and we’re meant to be … what? Grateful? Happier with our bodies? Challenged to try new things? Come on.

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